In my efforts to educate myself about my systemic racism I have been doing some deep examining.
Now before you get up in arms against me, let me explain.
I am aware that I was raised in a culture that is based on racial and economic divisiveness.
It is part and parcel of the Draconian system and these patterns appear all over the world since it spread here from Europe and Asia. Slavery; some humans considered greater or lesser than others to the point of believed ownership, to the point of doing whatever you want with them because they are worth less.
This is the pattern we all grew up in here in North America, all of us, no matter what our personal households were like. Those with ancestry here older than four or five hundred years will have less of those imprints, but those who came over from cultures who saw people that way are so steeped in racism it is hard to see it. It feels normal, it has been there so long.
My logic tells me that if I grew up in this culture and was identified as white, I inevitably have taken on racism. I want to find it and heal it back to love.
So I went looking for it and so far have discovered it in my language.
We use light and dark, black and white to mean opposites.
The good guys wore white cowboy hats and the bad guys wore black.
Dark is scary and frightening, light is beautiful and bright.
You can have a black heart, be the black sheep, or be a really dark person with dark humour.
You can be pure as the driven snow, a real bacon of light, purity and cleanliness, white.
None of this of course is true. Night is no more frightening than day, and where do you decide light or dark? Our nights and days are a whole spectrum of shades of light, moonlight, sunlight, morning light, all shades of dark and light, never one or the other, just degrees.
I doubt our ancestors were too concerned about the dark of night; they had fire to keep warm and really if you think about it, if we were all afraid of the dark, why would we use that time to be in our most vulnerable state? Sleeping!
We actually feel safe at night, safe enough to sleep. We are designed that way. I think this idea of fear of night is a human taught fear, not natural. Some animals hunt at night, but lots hunt during the day too, so you were at threat at all times, night or day. No, I don’t think dark meant scary, I think it meant stories, safety, security, rest, relaxation, sleep. But why have we become afraid of dark?
We have been trained in this construct, just like dualism, binary thinking.
We have been taught to believe things were ‘one or the other side of the same coin’.. but coins are human made constructs based on the same erroneous thinking. They are not part of the real world, none of the examples of good or evil fit anything real. Just movies and books. Made up stuff.
Things are not black or white. It doesn’t work like that on this planet. No one is either sad or happy, good or bad, black or white. This is a planet of diversity and change. I know this. So why do I use stupid words like black and white to mean opposites, when they are not?
We are taught this way of thinking, and then we are taught that white is good and black is bad, which worked well for the societies that made millions of dollars stealing dark people from Africa, to work for free for light skinned people here. We still think like that, we still use this language. Black, white, good evil, we are imprinted with it. Black is evil, dark energy, dark enchantments. black magic. White is good, light workers, white witch, white magic, it is everywhere.
I thought about how I would feel, labeled ‘white’ if white also meant bad, like maggots or pus, white like lice or death. How would it be to have to listen to comments about someone greedy and murderous having a white heart, a trouble maker being the white sheep in the family. White like the death of winter, freezing everything over. White, bloodless, cruel…
I imagine it would wear right through me after a while.
I imagine I would learn to ignore it and grow a thick skin.
I am afraid it would crack me, the weight of ignoring it all the time.
I have found a place to start.
I think changing my language is not going to be easy and I will slip up.
I will have to make whole new words to communicate some things, but I will try.
I begin today.